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Love and logic has many good things to say and many helpful guides for good, solid parenting. We could go on and on.Love and Logic does a good job speaking on a two dimensional basis. I find that parents respond best to the concept of offering choices instead of commands that will encourage your child to take responsibility for his or her actions.As a faith-based counselor I use the words Grace and Truth which carry depth and spiritual dimension. Other balancing acts include structure and flexibility, anxiety and boredom, reason and emotion. It is simple, and helpful. A great book to balance this one with would be John Gottman's, "How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child, The Heart of Parenting".
The whole tone of the book turned me off. This book came highly recommended to me. Although I come a background the authors approve of, I found the mention of God and specifically Christianity as the best way to teach Love and Logic simply offensive. I was very excited to get it. I am a preschool teacher and a mom. I tried to get past my discomfort but found I do not live in the same world full of tests for my child. Teachable moments are great but we must teach for the world we share with all kinds of different wonderful people.
His reasons for being late coming home from a friend's are just as legitimate to him as are yours for being late for that pick up. How can you teach your children compliance with your authority using the "logic" approach and then hope for them to think for themselves instead of going along with the program that the powerful schoolyard bully has in mind.Instead of this book, read "Hold on to Your Kids", by Gordon Neufeld, if you want to have successful family relationships and happy, securely attached children. Are you willing to be consistent about it, so that when you are late picking up your son from school, he gets to dish out a natural and logical consequence to you. Watch out for unintended lessons that are inextricably bundled with the ones you intend to teach. Attachment is natural and arises from within; leverage is contrived and imposed from without."Also, read "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control", by Heather Forbes. However, they only do so at a terrible cost in psychological health.
It just teaches bullying and manipulating, and that family relationships are stressful and require hypervigilance.These cruel techniques are seductive to tired, stressed parents because they force compliance with your powerful position in the family.
If you're not willing to be consistent, then you're teaching that leverage, coercion and power are useful in family relationships.Our children call on the solution frameworks we teach them as they create their adult relationships.
Euphemisms abound: bribes are called rewards; threats and punishments are rechristened natural consequences.
For example, the lesson that certain actions have "natural and logical consequences" comes bundled with the lesson that he who has the power gets to decide what is natural and logical, and therefore that the important thing in relationships is to have power at any cost.
From page 83: "As our power to parent decreases, our preoccupation with leverage increases.
When your son raised with the approaches in this book starts giving natural and logical consequences to his spouse, what will happen to his marriage.Think about it - how can traumatizing your daughter by abruptly taking away her pet, her food or her toys teach responsibility.
It doesn't.
These euphemisms camouflage attempts to motivate the child by external pressure because his intrinsic motivation is deemed inadequate.
She teaches how to create a successful family in an atmosphere of secure attachment, love and calm, not in the fear and emotional chaos that is an unintended lesson of the love and logic approach.
I've read this book several times, and get more out of it every time. I just bought the audio books to share with my sister-in-law. All parents should read this book, even if you don't agree with every thought, it leads to great discussion.
This is a must read for all parents, parents to be, aunts, uncles, grandparents and anyone else who wants to help raise responsible children to grow up into responsible adults. I am amazed that this is not required reading for all parents.
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